Saturday, February 10, 2007

Have you been heart stricken by a cheating spouse?

Spouses that cheat and still having a relationship. Can you really have a relationship after your spouse has cheated? Course you can but, it takes changes on both ends to make it work. Some believe that once a spouse cheats they will again. Some do but there are a hand full that don't which is a very rare thing. Sometimes it takes going through a situation like that for your spouse to realise how much you actually mean to them.

I know what they say, "The grass isn't always greener on the other side" In almost all cases it isn't and if they try to stay together (the one he/she left you for) they most certainly will end up apart in about 3 to 4 months, if not sooner. My spouse found that out, most women and men are all alike. Women think alike and men think alike.

The problems that you may be experiencing in you relationship will arise in the next. Simply because we didn't learn why or what was really wrong, so we make the same mistakes again and again. There are so many people out there that move on from one person to the next. AS if they are sour candy.

Yet there are people out there that you just can't get along with. Most of the time they are usually one sided but, are you one sided? Does the relationship always have to be about you and what you want? Or are you one that tries to please and make the other feel loved and wanted. This is a very tricky task when it comes to trying to make the other feel loved and wanted, cause what we think they want and what they really need are two different things.

A lot of couples lack communication and they simply rely on the physical part of a relationship to carry them through. Eventually your spouse or partner will need that love and communication. As the saying goes "Man can not live on bread alone". We all need that umph in our relationship, but how do we inquire it?

Think about your relationship with your family for a minute. As you look and realise the power of a sisters love, mothers love, or your dads love it is very different that a partners love or is it? I know what men really want is that love of their mother yet the physical love of a partner, this is so very hard to do. It begins to get very confusing, cause you can treat you spouse with too much mothers love to where they feel like you are a parent to them instead of a partner.

Yet they want that type of love. If you can master their down deep heart needs and you think every thing is alright watch out cause you could get hit hard with a drop in you lap of a moment. Like hitting a brick wall, I know I did. They will tell you that they love you and that you are beautiful and that every thing is o.k. but, reality it they are lying thru their teeth at some point or another.

At least my spouse was, he was checking out all kinds of other women and I never knew! The same day he left me he started seeing his so called candy women, so he thought she was. He had only know very little about her, he knew she had two kids, but he didn't know what she really was like. I found out about a week later who she was and who he was seeing, it was 2 days before our wedding anniversary, it was horrible. I have had a lot of people ask me why didn't you beat her up?

My response was, I have 4 kids to care for and no women was worth going to jail for over my kids. I did however meet her and she acted like she didn't know much about me. What he had told her was we had been separated for 3 to 5 months, little did she know we separated the same day he started seeing her. She was very angry with him after she found this out, so we went together and confronted him at the same time. When he seen us both together, he was so shocked that all of the blood ran from it and he was completely white.

Don't think you are the only one when they cheat on you, that they are just lying to you. Most of the time they lie to the other one as well. Sometimes men will do anything to get what they think they want or need. Yet there are some women that lie to you about your spouse just so they can make you feel so bad about yourself and try to provoke you to fight. Just so they can have him for themselves. Yes he did lie to her but, she was lying to me and I knew it but, I didn't let her know that.

Your heart is in such a state of shock that it doesn't really hit you until a few days later what is really going on. Once it does the feeling of hurt is so great that you can't eat, sleep, or barely even function as a human being. I will tell you that I can remember waking up in the middle of the night once I finally did get to sleep. I would wake myself up crying in my sleep it was that bad. Your appetite is so not there, once my mother told me that when or if your ever loose your spouse you will usually almost loose how much weight they weighed.

I didn't believe her but, I do now. At that time I had weighed 235 pds before he left at a size of 20/22 women's but I had lost down to 137 pds a size 2/4 teens. I was still loosing so much weight that I was beginning to worry that I wouldn't be able to find pants that would fit me that I could afford. I had lost all of this from March to October, in 7 months. I couldn't eat for at least 4 to 5 of them the pain was so great.

When I did try to eat I would just get sick, eventually I began to slowly eat but I couldn't eat more than the size of an egg at a meal and I was full. Now I am finally back to a full appetite and I am able to eat almost a plate full of food, but not any more than that. I did stop loosing weight in fact I have gained some back and have maintained a steady weight at 152 pds. I would like to get back down to at least 140 pds but no lower.

Does this all sound to familiar? Do you have the anxiety attacks with shaking and trembling? Are you so heart broken that you have to take sleeping pills to help you sleep cause you can't go to sleep? Have you thought about going to a counselor for help? There are a lot of people think counselors or phycologists are for crazy people. Well I will tell you that going to a counselor and a phycologist was the best decision that I had ever made. I had decided this because I had 4 young children and I needed more to get through this, they are very loving and caring people unlike what most think.

At some point in time they have experienced this for themselves that is the reason why they do what they do. Yes you may have to take medicine for a while. I did but, as I began to get better and started to stabilise I was able to wing myself off of the medicines that I was prescribed. Before I did I talked to my phycologists to make sure I did it in the proper way and asked if she thought that I could handle being without it. Now I only take one medicine but, I take this because they found out I had bi-polar disorder.

There are a lot of people that have this disorder and it gets unnoticed, once you can get it under control you will be amazed of the person you were missing all this time. I would like to hear about your heart stricken moment, and how you dealt with it and if you still are!


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posted by mollyjo @ 6:59 PM 0 Comments